Keep Going Like Nothing Happened...
I wish I had some of this. Until we find out it's just as addictive as soft drinks and gives us cancer. But whatever works now right?
As I repeat from my gaming blog, I've gotten a lot more done now that I've stopped playing MMORPGs. I even found stuff that's been missing for almost a whole year. Creative enhancing stuff. Hopefully I can start making art again.
Spring cleaning has come late into my life, not only in the dwelling, but in me. The nagging sense of unhappiness has creapt into the undercurrents of day to day life and I've kept going rather than looking at the roadkill-remains. It results from not taking as good care of myself as I could be. I'm doing better in most ways than I did when I lived in TN... but definitely not as active. I have a hard time rectifying time to be away from my home and husband just to work out. I feel like I am hardly there, and I don't feel good about it either.
I don't understand how people can work forty hours a week.
They try to go partying or act like they have a family life after spending 17+ hours of the day sleeping, driving, and being at work. 88 hours doesn't feel like enough when I get home after six most days and have to be in bed by tweleve for my biweekly 11 hour workdays. Most weekends I have 36 to try and fit in what cleaning and quality time I can. I so understand and respect full-time moms and dads now.
I also feel a pressure to reach some standard I'm not sure of in a career. I'm happy with my job, but I know I can do more and I resent not being able to do it yet. I don't want some disaster to come along and not be able to financially pull myself out of it. If my car broke down I guess I could ride the bus and get a bike. I'm sure we could rent someplace really cheaper for a short time. Our bills aren't that much. Its some weird notion of surplus and the media breathing down the collective neck of Americans that there must be such and such criteria to be able to live past 50 and retirement or you'll live under the bridge. I think I'm really unfair to myself.
I need to chill out.
As I repeat from my gaming blog, I've gotten a lot more done now that I've stopped playing MMORPGs. I even found stuff that's been missing for almost a whole year. Creative enhancing stuff. Hopefully I can start making art again.
Spring cleaning has come late into my life, not only in the dwelling, but in me. The nagging sense of unhappiness has creapt into the undercurrents of day to day life and I've kept going rather than looking at the roadkill-remains. It results from not taking as good care of myself as I could be. I'm doing better in most ways than I did when I lived in TN... but definitely not as active. I have a hard time rectifying time to be away from my home and husband just to work out. I feel like I am hardly there, and I don't feel good about it either.
I don't understand how people can work forty hours a week.
They try to go partying or act like they have a family life after spending 17+ hours of the day sleeping, driving, and being at work. 88 hours doesn't feel like enough when I get home after six most days and have to be in bed by tweleve for my biweekly 11 hour workdays. Most weekends I have 36 to try and fit in what cleaning and quality time I can. I so understand and respect full-time moms and dads now.
I also feel a pressure to reach some standard I'm not sure of in a career. I'm happy with my job, but I know I can do more and I resent not being able to do it yet. I don't want some disaster to come along and not be able to financially pull myself out of it. If my car broke down I guess I could ride the bus and get a bike. I'm sure we could rent someplace really cheaper for a short time. Our bills aren't that much. Its some weird notion of surplus and the media breathing down the collective neck of Americans that there must be such and such criteria to be able to live past 50 and retirement or you'll live under the bridge. I think I'm really unfair to myself.
I need to chill out.
posted by Razorhoney | 9:34 PM
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